So I had a mammogram two weeks ago. They found something and wanted to have a closer look. I wasn’t really worried. I don’t fall in any of the risk categories, I am fairly regular about getting a yearly mammogram (well at least for the last two years anyway). So I get there and find that I don’t have my wallet with me. So instead of worrying about my abnormal mammogram I start worrying about how I am going to eat breakfast and lunch. I go over to the breast center and get undressed and wait for my name to be called. I am looking around and realize they have free coffee, bottled water, cheese, crackers, peanut butter and spicy trail mix. Thank you Women’s Hospital of Texas, I don’t mind if I do. I scarf down a quick cheese or two, crackers, grab a bottled water and stuff more cheese, crackers, peanut butter and trail mix in my purse before anyone joins me in the waiting area. I drank a cup of coffee, which I never do but it was free and smelled good, so I went for it. I get called back about 20 minutes after the squirreling away of food incident and get my first set of pictures done. I noticed my tummy making some weird noises but didn’t really pay any attention. Get two pictures done then go and wait in the very tiny waiting area that is becoming very crowded. The radiologist takes a look and they want three more pictures. I go back and forth to the exam room doing this four times before the mammogram tech says they want an ultrasound. Ok…. So now I am worried, I have eaten cheese too fast and drank coffee which I never do. My stomach is starting to emit a really crazy sound. I sit in the waiting area with wall to wall people waiting for my ultrasound and then it happens. I sneeze so loudly and abruptly that I drop my bag that has all my stolen goods that I have stored away for the winter and I make this really loud obnoxious sound from some part of my body that I don’t’ want to even think of. The packages of trail mix tumble out of my bag and the ladies are all glaring at me. I’m not sure if they are gawking because of the loud obnoxious abdominal noise or the thievery. I say excuse me and awkwardly pick up my loot and sit back down with my head hung in shame. I get called back for my ultrasound and after 15 minutes of lying on the table and thinking that I don’t look good in pink, the tech comes back and tells me I can leave and that everything looks ok. I get dressed, help myself to a Family Circle from the exam room for my troubles and make the walk of shame in front of a room of judgey women and grab another bag of trail mix.
Pam is a creative nurse who loves all things over the top. She loves her family and having a good time.